Read an exclusive extract below:
The number one question I get asked on social media is: “How is dating a woman different from dating a man?”
When you strip it back, queer women’s hopes, desires, fears, and needs around communication, vulnerability, and emotional and physical attraction aren’t so different from anyone else’s.
What changes is how those pieces interact, the way connection feels, and how intensely it sometimes shows up when two women fall in love.
Aka, the dynamic.
When two women fall for each other, the emotional bond can feel incredibly strong, sometimes faster and deeper than you expect. Vulnerability tends to surface early, and with it comes a connection that’s raw, real, and intensely intimate.
That’s not to say this kind of connection can’t happen with men – it absolutely can – but many queer women (me included) will tell you that there’s something different and magnetic in how quickly and intensely things tend to develop with another woman.
Part of this comes down to biology. Our bodies produce a hormone called oxytocin, sometimes nicknamed the “bonding hormone”, which plays a big role in emotional attachment. In addition to this, biologically speaking, women also tend to be more tuned in to things like tone of voice, facial expressions, and subtle shifts in mood, which can make us more sensitive to emotional nuances in relationships and social interactions.
This emotional awareness means that in relationships between women there’s often a high level of empathy and emotional responsiveness right from the start.
It can create a beautiful feedback loop: one person opens up, the other meets them (hopefully!) with care, and a strong sense of safety and intimacy starts to build. Interestingly, research shows that women in relationships with women tend to report more emotional support and mutual understanding than those in heterosexual pairings.
All of that can make the connection you’re experiencing feel like a breath of fresh air, but it also means things can, at times, feel intense. When you’re both tuned in emotionally, the highs are high, but any tension or conflict can feel more personal and exposing.
It’s not always a bad thing, as long as you’re aware of it.
Psychology and even gender roles influence connection – can help you approach your relationship with more clarity and compassion.
And just to be clear: this isn’t about saying queer relationships are better or “deeper” than straight ones. It’s about recognising that when traditional gender roles fall away, the emotional landscape shifts too.
In heterosexual relationships, for example, there could be an argument that emotional labour often gets placed on one partner (usually the woman), while in queer relationships between women, there can be more shared responsibility and awareness around emotional needs.
So if you’re stepping into a relationship with another woman, know that deep emotional connection is often part of the package. It’s something to be cherished but also navigated with sensitivity. Because when two people show up with openness, honesty, and mutual respect, what you create together can be truly rare and powerful.
MY STORY
When I first decided I wanted to date women, I downloaded apps like Tinder and Bumble and began optimistically swiping on all types of girls. I had no idea what I was looking for, nor did I know what kind of woman I found attractive.
It felt a little bit like I was throwing everything at the wall and seeing what stuck and (even though it might feel a bit impersonal), sometimes you have to approach dating in this way, especially at the start, so you can quickly learn what you do and don’t like.
One of my first dates was with a beautiful Australian woman called Anna* who rocked up half an hour late. I was waiting for her in a Starbucks and when she finally arrived she sat down in front of me, reached across the table, chugged the remainder of my coffee, ate the cake from my plate, and then proceeded to tell me that she hadn’t been successful in finding a girlfriend yet because apparently she was quite “dominant”. Needless to say, we didn’t meet up again.
One of the more unusual dates I’ve been on was with a woman who lived merely a few streets away from me. We met up in the local pub. She arrived in sunglasses and a rugby sweatshirt and had I not asked her any questions I’m sure she would have stayed mute. It transpired that she worked in “a government department” (which I believe was a cover for being a spy), as she gave limited information away about her life other than her interest in finance, history, and potatoes. The conversation was very stunted and we parted ways after an hour, only for her to walk into a back alley and disappear. I never saw her again.
A wonderful first date I went on was with an Irish girl called Naoimh*. We went out for burgers and bowling and couldn’t stop laughing. At the end of the date, we kissed, but the laughter continued in a very different way as we quickly realised we’d be much better suited as friends than lovers, but both agreeing that it was the most fun we’d had in a long time.
Dating women can be hot, hilarious, and sometimes downright confusing, but it can also be one of the most affirming parts of your queer journey. So whether you’re nervous, excited, or somewhere in between, just know: you’ve got this.
Rosie Turner’s Girlfriend Material: An Honest Guide to Dating Women and Owning Your Identity was published in May 2026 by Bloomsbury.
